||[Apr. 25th, 2007|09:04 pm]
We have Star Testing this week at school. Its actually a pretty good, the day seems shorter.
I went to the Ventura College Fair tonight…I kinda find it depressing. So many good colleges and I’m so afraid of not getting into the ones I find “worthwhile” (UCSB, UCLA, USC, etc). Funny how easily your dreams fall apart as reality starts to set in. You suddenly understand that things aren’t the way you though them to be once. You open your eyes to a reality that is so devastatingly different and it hurts.
We went on a Boston-New York trip with my class back in 6th grade. They took us onto the Harvard campus. I remember the though going through my head, “Wow…wouldn’t it be awesome if I went here one day?” It was only a wish even then but college seemed so far away and I knew so little of the requirements that it was almost close enough to be reached. At that time “A”s came with astonishing ease…I was on my way there.
That pathetic dream fall apart by 8th grade. By the time I went to High School UCLA was the most I could dream of. And yet, that was reachable. By the end of Freshman year…I had doubts. This year? I’m desperately clinging to my hope of UCSB. My pride and upbringing will not allow me to think that I could go to a lower rated university. And yet I fear just that.