Granting wish for: naturegirlrocks
Theme: #2 – Angst
Pairing: Severus/Lucius, (mentions of) Severus/Evan
Prompt: I wish I could stay...
Word count: ~ 600
“I wish I could stay,” Lucius said, but as much as he tried to look sincere he couldn’t help the flatness in his voice.
“Why don’t you then?” Severus shot back from his place, curled up in one of the armchairs in the darkest corner. He always was a bit on the raggedy, kicked-puppy side. Never grew out of it.
“I don’t think what we’re doing is safe anymore, Severus. My family… After everything that’s happened, I’m walking a very narrow line here.”
Severus sneered derisively. “My family, my honor, my reputation, my duty – everything is about you! What about my heart, my feelings?”
Lucius shook his head slowly. “I wish I could stay.” Severus opened his mouth – “But I can’t.” – and closed it. The fireplace, now almost burned out, was the only light in the room and the gloom threw long shadows over the faces of both men. Severus looked exhausted and broken. Even Lucius – the always immaculate Lucius – had dark bruises under his eyes. “We have to find a way to move on, Severus. I know more that you’d want me to know.”
Severus sneered. “If it bothers you so much, as much as it bothered Evan, why don’t you just… kill me.” Would probably be the better option right now.
“It bothers me a lot more that you were screwing Evan Rosier behind my back than that you passed information along to Dumbledore.”
Severus jumped to his feel and began to pace the length of the room. Lucius watched him, slowly putting on his traveling cloak and black, dragon-leather gloves. Severus turned suddenly to face him, peering up into Malfoy’s eyes with a savage, intense expression. “What happened,” he hissed. “Why us?”
The blonde shrugged, meeting Snape’s eyes easily. “You wanted to be something you weren’t.”
“What is that supposed to mean?”
Malfoy didn’t seem one bit touched by Snape’s agitation. He was as cold, as collected as always. Perhaps, this was what annoyed, frustrated and agitated Snape the most. It was also what turned him on. “It means that you wanted to have ideals that you didn’t have. The very fact that you had such an intense loyalty to Lily Evans—“ Severus flinched “—testifies to that.”
“I didn’t, I didn’t mean it like that.” Severus pressed both hands, palms flat, to the sides of his head, pressing down to the point of seeing stars and amorphous black spots. “You got this wrong; Lucius, you’re the only one… Lily was a childhood friend; Evan… Evan was always there when you weren’t. I just… You need to give me another, chance.” Severus took two hurried steps toward Lucius, grabbing at the sleeve of his robes like a lost child. “You can’t leave me.”
Malfoy looked the boy over, noting the tense lines of his face, the creases at his mouth, the fiery eyes, the abnormal paleness of his skin. Severus didn’t want to be left alone because he didn’t want to grow up. He didn’t want to decided for himself; someone needed to be there to tell him what he needed to think to be wanted. “Pray that the Lord returns, Severus,” Lucius said evenly, with a note of defining finality. “Maybe then you can get your second chance if you want to take it.”
The utter coldness in Lucius’ gaze was worse that anything the boy had ever experienced. He let go of man’s cloak and just stood there, watching Lucius leave.
All he’d ever wanted was for someone to be proud of him, to love him.
It never worked out that way.