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Homo/hetero-romantic asexual? - alley_skywalker [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]

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Homo/hetero-romantic asexual? [Apr. 26th, 2011|02:39 pm]
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I don't really understand how it is possible to be homoromantic asexual or heteroromantic asexual. Like, I understand homo/hetero-romantic bisexual (ie, I'm attracted to both but only form emotional/romantic connections with men/women). But asexual? I don't know, maybe because to me what separates a really close friendship and a healthy romantic relationship is the fact that there's a sexual component in the latter that there isn't in the former but...I feel like if you don't have sexual attractions to people, don't care about the sexual component (not limited to intercourse here but like kissing etc), then your feelings toward them are platonic which then makes it a friendship. Perhaps, with guys this seems problematic because OMG if two guys want to hug or be sweet with each other they HAVE to be gay. But I think this notion is socialized and internalized to the point were such an idea becomes natural but in fact I don't think that's true. I think straight guys act like they have no feelings because they think they HAVE to act that way to be manlystraight//whatever not because, given a different mindset, they would naturally avoid hugging their friends. Sorry if this sounds narrow-minded to someone, I'm not trying to offend anyone. Everyone can identify as whatever they feel most comfortable with but xxx-romantic asexual, the concept of it, seems kind of...paradoxical to me.

From: reg_flint
2011-04-26 10:34 pm (UTC)
I'm just asexual with the ability to understand others' feelings for each other and feeling very attached to certain people and not so much with others merely as degrees of friendship.

Ironic icon.
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[User Picture]From: girlofavalon
2011-04-26 10:36 pm (UTC)
I have a few friends who consider themselves assexual, but I confess I don't get it either :\

Edited at 2011-04-26 10:36 pm (UTC)
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[User Picture]From: elizabeth_hoot
2011-05-07 01:00 am (UTC)


I just ran across this completely by accident (a comment on a friend's journal about something totally unrelated), but (as an asexual!) I'd like to chime in, if it's okay.

If I understand correctly, you're stating that friendship + sex = romance. The problem is that, for many people, that's not really the case.

Friendship + sex = friends with benefits just as easily as romance. It doesn't have to mean being in love. Romantic asexuals are just the inverse of that -- friendship with sex is not necessarily romance, and romance without sex is not necessarily friendship. For certain people (not only asexuals), romantic and platonic love are simply fundamentally different emotions (that sometimes happen to occur together), whether you layer sex on to them or not.

I'm aromantic myself (and strongly opposed to the whole concept of friendship as romance-lite), but as far as I can tell, my platonic friendships have no more in common with romantic asexual relationships than they do with conventional sexual ones.

Tl;dr version: Romantic asexuals fall in love. I do not. There's a difference.
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